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Recognize and resolve interpersonal conflicts. Either way, spiritual issues are common at the end of life, and they need attention. Sometimes, easing spiritual pain can be accomplished by the presence of a person of faith or readings from sacred texts other times, it’s better to have someone who can engage in spiritual questioning. In fact, I have sat with several clergy who had crises of faith on their deathbeds. Nowadays, there are medications that can manage most people’s physical pain and make them far more comfortable, and these should not be denied to any patient. When I talk of being pain-free, I mean physically, psycho-socially, and spiritually pain-free. Here are seven ways to help create the conditions for a good death. But even with Shanti’s success, and the proliferation of palliative care programs and hospices around the nation, there are still many dying Americans who don’t get that chance. What I’ve learned through my experience is that what people most need on their deathbed is to be heard-to have their wishes considered and, whenever possible, fulfilled. Shanti volunteers have supported many people facing death to do so with grace through their presence and compassion. To help combat the lack of trained support staff, I founded Shanti-a peer counseling program that provides compassionate, trained listeners to help patients and their families through serious illness and the transition of dying. Since then, I’ve worked with hundreds of dying people.
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Their training gave no guidance on how to provide their patients with the conditions for a good death-one that allowed patients to come to terms with their life and find peace and wellbeing at the end.
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But they focused on staving off death at all costs. The physicians and nurses in our unit were talented, skilled, well-intentioned people. My job was to help these patients with whatever emerged psychologically around their deaths.Īnd, there was a lot going on psychologically which wasn’t being attended to. Modern palliative care was not widely understood or employed yet, and hospice care was not as readily accessible as it is now. At that time, I was the first and only mental health worker on the staff on a 40-bed unit. These are questions that I first began to consider when I was a young psychologist at the oncology unit at UCSF in the mid-1970’s. Sometimes, the quest to avoid death can seem extreme, like in the much-publicized cases of Terry Shiavo and Marlise Munoz, where unnecessary life-extending procedures created exorbitant medical bills and emotionally burdened their loved ones.īut, if Shiavo and Munoz are examples of a bad death, is there any better way? Is a “good death” just an oxymoron? Or can the experience of death be far more positive-an opportunity for growth and meaning? Listening to the dying From the GGSC to your bookshelf: 30 science-backed tools for well-being.